Life..its the cry of my heart..

The tears say it all,But"Here am I Father, send Me"

So tonite i went out with some friends to watch a movie and i have to say it was great fun i love them and wouldnt trade them for anything and i had funtonite lotz!!But i was sitting watching the movie and i began to realize that i had more fun pr walking and sitting in the park just gazing then i did sitting with them laughing(and i did have a lot of fun tonite)..i learned that being ruined,has a huge impact and it breaks my heart!I love it though..so we are driving home and i realize how much i see Father now..and how much america needs him,maybe even more than germany bc here its dead,here we take advantage of church and of the freedom we have,my heart is pounding it wont stop i dont know what to do,i feel..i dont know how to tell you except that my heart is broken it aches,it hurts,its so hard to breath,i feel Father,i know he is here i know he is calling,but i feel so limited..it feels like it did that nite sitting in germany when i couldnt breath,it hurt inside i just cryed i couldnt think i didnt know what was going on..my hands froze they hurt(im there again,i can see it all),im scared,i can see that nite its confusing bits and peices are gone..words i cant make out but i know i heard but couldnt understand,but i also hear d and c singing its beautiful i was so afraid they took that fear..i want their singing again..i want to go back so i can hear them and feel the love in it!and i want that moment in the park earlier that day when m said "Actually i do want that gift!"It changed my life,ive gotten to be apart of leading people to Christ but never like that it was amazing!such a desire such a love..i sit here now in tears,hearing people say im going to fail at my tests,hearing im a drop out,hearing these negative words and trying to look at the good trying to see that moment over and over trying to feel l's hugs and love and the love i felt while in germany those last days..going back to the ride to the airport looking out the bus window as we pulled off i wanted to cry and i did and i felt trapped here i am again that same state im stuck,frozen..but im here..america needs us,me,you america needs us to apply what we learned here..so lets do it!i hope and pr im not alone!!Im hurting,frozen,short of breath but yet im ready Father, "Here am i send me" pain cannot over take me with you Father..Take this pain and send me..here..

posted by Crystal[He will carry me.] @ 9:47 AM