my dream
I know this is long,but its my dream..please take the time to read it!!Thankyou and God bless!!--As a young child I always had dreams.I would lay around wishing for things i knew in my little heart could never happen but i would never give up on my dreams.Growing up was hard,because we didnt always have much money,I was afraid to try new things because if I succeded we wouldnt be able to afford it is what i thought.I decided it was better to just dream.Ive always had one dream that still hasnt been fulfilled.I refuse to give up on this dream.Ive always wanted to be apart of something,its never mattered what,just wanted to make a difference and succed for once.I have found one thing that i would like to use to help make my dream come true,It is my true passion and that is writing.I dont know how i would make it without writing it definatly keeps me going!Ive dealt with many heartaches and trials but my writing and dreams always keep me going.Ive never actually given my heart to one of my dreams and tryed to fulfill it until the summer that is.I had the oppurtunity to go to Germany on a Mission trip.At first i was afraid being there,becaue for once i actually felt like i was apart of something.I felt as though my dream was coming true!I had a desire to work for Christ there but i was holding myself back,I was a child again afraid that if i succeded i would get held back or we wouldnt be able to afford it or something would happen i didnt know what??I was just afraid.After talking to a really great friend and sister i realized i needed to let Go and give it all to God.Some very special people helped me realize its ok to chase your dreams,Its alright if you fail as long as you get back up and keep on trying.I realized Father was calling me and this all leads me to my dream!The one thing i want and feel as though i cant have.The one dream i refuse to let go of w/o a fight,ive wanted this since i was a child but ive always given up.I feel as though im reachin for the stars.I know it wont be easy but i cant give up this time,ive given up on gymnastics,cheer,singing,and even school,BUt not this time.Coming home from Germany I began to wonder where is home?Where is life?What is reality?I was given a home this summer..I was handed my dream and i cant let someone take it from me.I want to experience life again that reality of being in a foreign land.I cant explain the overwhelming joy and desire and passion that i had for this!I want people to see my heart and the love i have for people!I have something i want to give to those who may not hear it if i dont Go!Ive tried telling myself its not worth the fight,Im not going to be allowed to Go but tonight ive realized thats giveing up again.My heart is in this,it truely is my life!Im continueally broken for the people and the towns,I am afraid because i realize i am no longer a child.Im being stretched and Father is calling me to take a huge leap of Faith.Am i going to be the one to say no?Am i going to give up without a fight?I wont do it again,Im willing to fight until its ripped from my hands and even then im not giveing up!I have had a dream,I have the chance to fulfil it and im more than ready.I want to be a missionary.I want to go to the nations.My dream is to start by next summer going to Germany.I know its not easy,I know i could fail.Its going to hurt at times.I am afraid and this is going to take 100% Faith!Im willing to Go!Im happy when i serve!I want that feeling i had when M said"I thought about what you said and im ready to make God apart of my life!"I want to be sitting in the park and be brought to tears just from the beauty!I want to be overwhelmed with Joy!I cannot go alone..I want Father to open the eyes of my family and friends.I want my eyes to be opened as well..I am not as happy as that time when me and rachel just sat and shared with each other,and gazed at the beauty!What happens if i tell Father no and dont give this dream a shot?I dont wnat to look back and say what if?..I wnat to be all i can be!I want to do what others say is impossible.As im brought to tears knowing that there is one person who i cant go against what she says goes.Knowing she is afraid of looseing me and doesnt want me to go because she is afraid.I dont want to hurt her by the desision im going to make!I want her to experience the Joy ive felt and know i love this!I want her to know i love her and never want to hurt her,but i want to do what Father is calling me to!I ask Father everynite to open her eyes..I love her and want her to be proud of me,I want her to see this is my dream!My heart aches knowing she doesnt want to let go,i dont know what she feels and i know she doesnt know what i feel..I have a full hearted dream,a desire,a passion,a love and i dont want it taken.I cant quit i cant say no.I have almost given up already even writing this i question myself why am i reaching for something so big?But then i received a call from my best friend at the chris tomlin concert,just so i could hear our song.She reminded me of something,I realize i am made to worship,i am called to love!I have amazing friends and if i give up then im giveing up on them as well.They want me to fulfil my dream!I cant let them down..I love my best friend she has helped me realize that i cant let go..whether its next summer or the summer after..I have to be willing!They have given me hope and love My friends have taught me to chase my dreams and who am i to say no?They believe in me and Its time i start believeing in myself!My family both here and all over from this summer..have helped me realize im not giving up on this dream!!
posted by Crystal[He will carry me.] @ 12:40 PM
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